We continue with the passages from the book "Alchemy of the Heart"... These September passages deal with the chapter "How to Love When...
Albert Schweitzer once said: 'I know one thing: the only ones among you who will be truly happy are those who will have sought, and found, how to serve.'
A heart that is open and empowered does not say, "I will do this nice thing or I will love this person so that I can get something in return. In fact, if we do something with that motive in mind, that something is not love. Love and self-interest just don't go together.
Mother Teresa, whose whole life was an exercise in love, had no ulterior motives in her care for the poor and homeless, not even the intention of converting the poor. As she once said, "Conversion is not our work - it is the work of God. We never ask anyone to change their religion. Our mission is to reveal God by doing our good works.'We all reveal a piece of the divine when we touch someone's life personally through an act of love. Mother Teresa knew that many people cannot experience God's comfort or wisdom or love unless we do that personalto them. That is the great key that opens all the locks, discovered by the mystics of the world.
How can we love when the other person is irritable, selfish or depressed - behaviors that we, of course, never exhibit! However, when someone is irritable, selfish or depressed, isn't that exactly when she needs our hearts the most? As someone sharply observed, "People need love the most when they least deserve it. When we truly love, we remain aware of that person's capacity to become who he or she really is - whether it is your spouse, a co-worker, your children or even yourself. We don't have to love someone's shenanigans, but we can love the soul who, like all of us, is still struggling to become a greater expression of Spirit.
If you find yourself in a difficult situation, try asking God to show you how he loves. I did that once. I was then meditating in my heart on God's love, and I asked God to come into my heart so that I could understand how to love as God would love. I was blessed with the miracle of feeling God love with my whole heart. And I realized that there is a big difference between divine and human love, no matter how much love we show. There is a big difference between the way we see and the way God sees.
If we can visualize ourselves and others using our highest potential, if we can treat others as if they are already acting lovingly, then we will force the manifestation of that highest outcome. The more we seeas masterful beings, the more likely it is that we are masterful beings be.
In the 16th century, kabbalist Moses Cordovero wrote a beloved and practical manual for developing spiritual virtues: The palm tree of Deborah. His thesis is that since we are created in the image and likeness of God, we are destined to imitate our Creator through our virtues and actions. Cordovero begins by explaining how we can develop the quality of compassion by keeping in mind the most exalted image of others. If someone insults or challenges you, he advises, think of their good qualities. If we have a problem with this, he suggests that we remember the good deeds he did from birth, as God does. If someone seems unworthy, he says, remember that there was a time, even if it was in his babyhood, when this person did not sin.
Keeping the immaculate concept in mind for others, however, does not mean that we should ignore the warnings of our hearts and souls when we suspect real physical, mental or emotional danger. We need not condone anyone's actions or allow ourselves to be hurt. Although love does not judge, it uses discernment. Though love does no harm, it is truthful.
Sometimes the highest love is truth, especially when the one you love needs a wake-up call. If someone is doing something you can't support, you can calmly but firmly say, "This is not something I can participate in or go along with, and this is not something I can make you do in front of me.
Our relationships are an important stepping stone on our path of spiritual development. If someone is in a persistent pattern of descending into a lowered consciousness that is unacceptable to you, and he or she is not willing to work on healing those patterns, then your progress may be hindered. This is why it is said that in marriage we must form an equal span (2 Cor. 6:14). From the other side, we also cannot simply withdraw our support if at some point our partner, friend or our child does something we don't like. When we seek to love as God loves, we protect each person's right to walk his own path and realize his full divine potential without berating, upsetting or condemning him. We will find ways to create a mutual support system of the heart.
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